My experiences have taught me, kids help you build character.......

When our second born was about 7 years old, we were painfully aware of his uncanny sense of humor. Totally inappropriate and it would leave a person either laughing in stitches, or blinking in complete disbelief. Our son, Rich, always had something he just “HAD” to share with the world.

*whispers* -- I found it difficult to find babysitters for him.

Anyway back to this story. Rich could memorize and imitate movie scenes, right down to facial expressions and hand gestures. We spent most of his tender years discussing what was “inappropriate timing”, which never seemed to get through to our little comedic star.

One Sunday afternoon our family went to the local KFC for lunch. A very rare occasion as you will find out why as you read on.

The restaurant buzzed with conversation as folks getting out of church services filled the place. The louder the chatter got in the restaurant, the higher the volume got on Rich. Every experience was and continues to be an opportunity to entertain a crowd. After a couple “Mother Looks” from me, Rich turned his attention to his food and gobbled down his lunch. Now, you could set a clock to this kid’s constitution, so off he went to the washroom, after downing a glass of soda.

“No fooling around in there Rich!” I reminded him, for literally the millionth time in his life.
“NoooooOOoooo problem, Great White Mother!” he said with a salute.
I sucked in a deep breath and said a silent prayer that he would not flush himself down the toilet!

After about 10 minutes and the line up to the men’s room starting to grow in length, my red flags began flying. Then it came…….loud guttural moaning and groans bounced off the acoustic tiles in the little boy’s room! All eyes were shifting from the direction of the noise, which escalated into the sounds of an alien fighting its way out of an unsuspected host, to our table, then back to the door of the men’s room. My face must have went sheet white to brilliant red in a split second. I looked at my husband, my eyes begging him to go into that room and do the right thing! “Eat our second born!!!” My husband’s semi proud smirk nearly sent me over the edge. Then all of a sudden the sounds quit. A few snickers coming from the male patrons did nothing for my mortified ego.

Even though he had no idea, Rich had a captivated audience. Thankfully, I could hear the water running in the sink. Relieved that the little fart washed his hands after all that nasty business, I planned the “that was totally inappropriate” speech, one-----more------time. However, if I thought that little performance was embarrassing, it was nothing compared to what was about to take place.
 
Rich casually came out of the lav and all eyes were on him. He stops in the middle of the restaurant, feet planted apart in a “superhero” stance.
“Oh dear Lord, please, please, please” I begged to God.
In a big voice it comes, doing his very best Jim Carrey impression, a line from Ace Ventura Pet Detective!
“Whooooooowheeeeeee! Do…….NOT…..go in there!” he exclaimed as he waved one whole arm dramatically in front of his mid-section.

 I died a thousand deaths that day. There were little old ladies looking scornfully at the parents of this audacious child, and sympathetic laughter coming from mostly men.

As humiliating as that episode was, it is one of my favorite memories of just how interesting kids make our lives! Never a dull moment, and I just know that one day….Rich….will have kids of his own and what goes around always comes around!  :)