I am giving up hope.....

Today, I give up hope for a better yesterday.  It’s at this junction of life I have discovered that I have forgiven just about everyone who has ever harmed me in anyway, all that is except one person.  Unfortunately that one person has had a strangle hold on my happiness for a very long time and just when I believe that I have gotten beyond the hurt something reminds me of all the ways this person has undermined my joy.  I cannot change what this person has done and I am tired of holding onto the hurt they caused.  So, I am giving up hope for a better yesterday.

There is truth in the statement that says, “Forgiveness cannot change your past but it has the power to shape your future.”   I am recognizing that in order to really have a future that redirects my thinking from ‘what could have been’ to ‘look at all the wonderful possibilities.’ the ‘needs forgiving’ slate must be clean!  Holding onto hurts from the past does not protect you from future pain.  Quite contrarily, every decision you make will unconsciously be tainted by the fear of being hurt again.  Holding someone under condemnation actually condemns the condemner.  You hold yourself in a constant state of unhappiness and discord when you do not forgive.  The old adage that holding onto resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die; should make one think.

 

I made a decision a number of years ago to completely turn over my life and will to God.  I understand and believe in the work of the Cross.  Jesus death was payment for the sin of the world; past, present and future.  That would include my own transgressions and it has become more and more obvious that though I am forgiven by the One whose judgement matters, I have held myself under condemnation for years.  Painfully picking apart the things I have done and left undone; deeply saddened and feeling ashamed for acts of self will run riot in the past.  If God, maker of the Universe, has forgiven me then who am I to hold myself under condemnation?  Turning my will over has meant that I chose repentance, turning away from old ways of life that are displeasing to God, harmful to others and harmful to myself. 

Romans 12:2   “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

Forgiving others has been much easier to do than forgiving myself.  But today I realize I am not forgiving Michelle of today; I am forgiving the old self and her old ways.  The new Michelle grieves the old self’s decisions and actions because she, in God’s grace, would never make those same decisions today.  So today in forgiveness I let go of the hope for a better yesterday; with God’s leading I look to the future with a new hope, one filled with possibilities......

Hebrews 12:1-3 “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, ² fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ³ Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”