Absence = Enlightened

I have taken some time to separate myself from the world of online relationship and I have tried to make an effort to engage in some real time interaction with those around me.  I will admit that I do miss seeing what is going on in peoples lives at the touch of a mouse, but the break away from the cliche' sayings and drama of the open ended statements on my facebook timeline has been lovely.   I am not judging the long lists of memes that would run down my timeline filled with relentless apathy or the people posting them;  however what else do you call the endless run on often of political or socially loaded posts  where no one is willing to have an actual conversation about what is being said? I would truly like to have conversations with others where they really share how they feel about specific topics and enjoy getting to know them on different levels. There is so much more to life than selfies and recipes for desserts that will put you in a diabetic coma.  So I am making a promise to myself to spend sometime blogging and replying to those who choose to leave me comments here.  I have a lot that has been happening in my life and I feel like sharing some of those things with you, if you are interested. 

I will post the link for my blog entries on facebook but I won't be going there to check  who has commented on facebook.  I would love to stay connected here or through email so if you are reading this even saying hello lets me know you are interested in staying connected.

Thanks for reading.
Chelle

It's all fun and games until.....

The funny thing about life is that we often never really get it all figured out until the good years have been used up by the stupidity and wastefulness of youthful superhero~ism.  I think of the aches and pains that I am currently suffering as a result of the misuse of my body years and years ago. My hands are stiff and sore with short bursts of pain shooting down my fattened digits.

During my days of being ten feet tall and bullet proof I liked to engage in the challenge of finger fighting.  It was not a skill that you would ever put in your resume but it was great at the parties when the jocks liked to show off their strength and a girl of 110 pounds wanted to do some shaming.  For whatever reason I was capable of winning a finger fight with even the strongest of guys.  The challenge was to grab your opponent's hands with your fingers entwined with theirs, then you twist and try to push the other persons wrist back, the first persons to call uncle was the loser.  Now the advantage I had over most was that I could lock my wrist and it pretty much did not matter what you did, that lock would not break.  What would usually end up happening is the jock would get thirsty, give up and I would win by default.  That is, until  a football player with a grudge wanted redemption for an unintentional ego bruising.

Freddie, not his real name,  challenged me to a digit duel and we got down to the business of protecting our honors.  He,  being a football player and strong as an ox, was actually trying to prove the point that he had been having a bad day in gym class a few years back when I beat him on a "two arm" hang challenge. The rules were simple you hung from a chin up bar in the full chin up position for as long as you could muster and I hung on for a substantially longer period of time than he.   I suppose the fact that he weighed 180 and I a solid 110 at the time, never entered into his line of thinking.  All that mattered was he got beat by a girl and that needed to be rectified.  So with a look of sheer determination he wove his strong fingers through mine and the "get ready, get set, go" was commanded.  Freddie took great pleasure in twisting my hands completely around and putting pressure against my wrists.  Then  a look of complete surprise came over his face; my wrists were not breaking lock. His look was quickly followed by a look of dire pain that came over mine when Freddie lifted me off the floor and gave me a sharp shake.  First a felt a pop in the top of my right hand  and I let out a squeal that should have broke glass.  Freddie let go and I hit the floor.

The lesson today kids is that it is not wise to mess with a football player's pride.  He never intended to hurt me, he just wanted his name plate on the trophy of  "Manliest Man" untarnished and it came in the form of finger fighting for first place.  I will admit I was in a great deal of pain for some time and I never challenged another person again, my finger fighting days were over.  And though my glory days may not have warranted  me any "hall of fame" status, the reminders , though painful at times, make me shake my head and chuckle at just how ridiculous it all could be. I should have stuck to "rock, paper, scissors" for the finger to finger combat!

I look forward to the day when my grand-children say, "Grandma, tell me about the good ol days!"

August afternoons, chats and reconciled childhood memories!

As the lazy afternoon sun began casting its long orange hued shadows into her living room, my mom and I sat and chatted about all different kinds of subjects.  We had compared notes on the programs we had been keeping up on and the chat moved onto kids and just how hilarious life is when they are around.  We recalled the stories about Rich and his infamous KFC washroom tale and laughed till we both nearly cried.  I noticed how the years had really begun to show around her eyes and mouth when she laughed.  She had not done a lot of that in the last few years; laugh so hard that she can hardly catch her breath.  I shared my experience about the young girl in VBS who had not really heard the gospel story of how Jesus died, was buried and rose again 3 days later and how this darling girl said, “Do you mean to tell me that he, (Jesus), was faking it the whole time?????”  Again mom laughed till she had tears. 

We talked about grandkids and how it could be a while before I see any grandbabies.  With her wisdom from a life full of experience she said it was certainly better if the kids wait to have families if they are not ready yet.  At this point the gate of opportunity opened to the secret garden of my memories as a little kid being raised by a single mom who had no one to really help her out.  I had agreed with her assessment and said... 

“You and I certainly know what it is like to have families before we were really ready to do it.”

“Well at least you had a husband to help you.”, she replied.  There was nothing critical in the statement just honest reflection.

“Yeah, no I know Mom.”  I said tenderly.  “ I really do not know how you ever did it.  Taking care of us all those years, when it was just so not accepted to be divorced.  I know how ostracized you were in our community.  Yet you looked after us as best you knew how!”

“It must have been really hard for Les and Ron, and you too.”  She managed in a quiet voice.

As the emotions of 47 years began to well up into my chest I looked her in the eyes and said ...

" Momma, I have never really ever told you just how incredibly proud I am of you!  I remember when we were just little and you had taken us down town to the grocery.  Our cupboards were completely bare and you were going to ask the owner of the grocery store if they would give you credit just until the end of the week.  When he refused you came out of the store crying and I had never seen you cry before.”

My mom’s face was stricken with grief at the memory or maybe that I had remembered that day so vividly myself.

 

“I remember that the Jerome girl had said that she would vouch for you and we were able to get a few things to take home.”  My words tumbled out in a heap.  “Momma, I know that you sacrificed so much to be able to give us even the simplest of things! I will never forget the year at Christmas when I came out of my room.....”  The words caught in my throat as I struggled to share the memory, “ and there stood the purple banana seat bike I had asked for and the tag said from Santa!  Oh Momma you sacrificed so very much!”

A life time of memory and unfinished business was dealt with in a short afternoon.  I told my mom just how deeply I love her and that I was sorry for ever hurting her in any way.  I told her that I appreciated her love, her life and that she gave us love the best way she knew to give.  

 As I got ready to leave and I hugged her into my chest and told her again that I love her, she chuckled and said thank you for making her laugh.  What of the rest of our talk you might wonder?  Well that is water now gone under the bridge.  My momma forgave me for any of my transgressions years ago and my humble expression of gratitude for just a few of the many things she did for me as a kid was accepted with simple dignity.  I am so grateful for a heart that discerns deeper than what is seen on the surface.  Peace is mine this evening as I thank the Lord once again for giving me the life that I have been given.  I have found joy because I have known sorrow and today that sorrow has finally been put to rest!

My experiences have taught me, kids help you build character.......

When our second born was about 7 years old, we were painfully aware of his uncanny sense of humor. Totally inappropriate and it would leave a person either laughing in stitches, or blinking in complete disbelief. Our son, Rich, always had something he just “HAD” to share with the world.

*whispers* -- I found it difficult to find babysitters for him.

Anyway back to this story. Rich could memorize and imitate movie scenes, right down to facial expressions and hand gestures. We spent most of his tender years discussing what was “inappropriate timing”, which never seemed to get through to our little comedic star.

One Sunday afternoon our family went to the local KFC for lunch. A very rare occasion as you will find out why as you read on.

The restaurant buzzed with conversation as folks getting out of church services filled the place. The louder the chatter got in the restaurant, the higher the volume got on Rich. Every experience was and continues to be an opportunity to entertain a crowd. After a couple “Mother Looks” from me, Rich turned his attention to his food and gobbled down his lunch. Now, you could set a clock to this kid’s constitution, so off he went to the washroom, after downing a glass of soda.

“No fooling around in there Rich!” I reminded him, for literally the millionth time in his life.
“NoooooOOoooo problem, Great White Mother!” he said with a salute.
I sucked in a deep breath and said a silent prayer that he would not flush himself down the toilet!

After about 10 minutes and the line up to the men’s room starting to grow in length, my red flags began flying. Then it came…….loud guttural moaning and groans bounced off the acoustic tiles in the little boy’s room! All eyes were shifting from the direction of the noise, which escalated into the sounds of an alien fighting its way out of an unsuspected host, to our table, then back to the door of the men’s room. My face must have went sheet white to brilliant red in a split second. I looked at my husband, my eyes begging him to go into that room and do the right thing! “Eat our second born!!!” My husband’s semi proud smirk nearly sent me over the edge. Then all of a sudden the sounds quit. A few snickers coming from the male patrons did nothing for my mortified ego.

Even though he had no idea, Rich had a captivated audience. Thankfully, I could hear the water running in the sink. Relieved that the little fart washed his hands after all that nasty business, I planned the “that was totally inappropriate” speech, one-----more------time. However, if I thought that little performance was embarrassing, it was nothing compared to what was about to take place.
 
Rich casually came out of the lav and all eyes were on him. He stops in the middle of the restaurant, feet planted apart in a “superhero” stance.
“Oh dear Lord, please, please, please” I begged to God.
In a big voice it comes, doing his very best Jim Carrey impression, a line from Ace Ventura Pet Detective!
“Whooooooowheeeeeee! Do…….NOT…..go in there!” he exclaimed as he waved one whole arm dramatically in front of his mid-section.

 I died a thousand deaths that day. There were little old ladies looking scornfully at the parents of this audacious child, and sympathetic laughter coming from mostly men.

As humiliating as that episode was, it is one of my favorite memories of just how interesting kids make our lives! Never a dull moment, and I just know that one day….Rich….will have kids of his own and what goes around always comes around!  :)

Are we sowing weeds and expecting Daisies to grow?

As the years go by and I reflect on my journey as a Christian I have noticed a number of really big changes in my view of ‘when bad things happen’, or big disappointments in life and what God has to do with or not do with it.  We live in a society today that lives like there is no God, yet blame this nonexistent deity when their world comes apart.  Then on the other hand you have Christians that will speak platitudes about disappointments being God’s way of saying be patient something better is on the way.  But is that truth?  Sometimes we are going to be disappointed and there is nothing better on its way.  But isn’t that just life?

 

As children we could not help but be self consumed, it is the nature of children to think about themselves and what will bring them the most happiness.  But as we grow up our parents, teachers and community at large hopefully direct us into a much broader view of where happiness comes from.  If we are fortunate we are taught just how much joy can come from bringing happiness to another human being.  As an adult we hopefully mature into a person that sees the value in what we contribute rather than what we are taking out of life.  If we are blessed to have children of our own we are given the most precious of tasks to raise up a child to know that it is “not” all about them and what they want and why!  But rather what it is that they can contribute to the world around them and the satisfaction that is found in contribution.

 

This is not the way of things today; we have diverged from helping shape young people into healthy contributors to society to wasters of time, money and education.  Our school systems will not fail children or give them grades because that might wound their self esteem.    We have a justice system that will not seriously punish a young person, because one bad decision does not a bad person make.  Perhaps that is so, but the decision to not have serious consequences for serious crime is proving over and over again that it makes bad people out of potentially good kids.  

As the world is falling apart and disappointment is meeting us head on we would be wise to consider the choices that have led up to the moment of impact.  Saying that there is no God and then blaming him for your heartbreak is for the lack of a better word, foolish!  No less foolish is the one who grapples for comfort when they are disappointed by saying that God has something better on the way.

   

We reap what we sow in life;  the truth of that proverb is startling and it should compel us to take account of the seeds we choose to cast into the wind.

When you marry your bestfriend ........

Twenty-seven years ago today I married my best friend.  Yes, I walked down that church isle and I quickly considered all of what this was going to mean for me, for us.  The truth is I was terrified and I believed it was obvious to everyone that showed up to that tiny church that day.  My flowers shook as my hands trembled and all I could do was look at my 'almost husband' and hope that I was doing the right thing.  I was not worried so much about me, it was him that I was really worried for.  I believed in my heart that he could have done much better than I for a life partner.  He was my best friend and I had put him through the wringer for those 5 years that we dated and still there he was standing proud and beautiful in his white tuxedo ready to vow to love me forever.  And, there I stood not feeling worthy of that love.

What brought me to that moment in time is a story that needs to be told another time.  However, fast forward twenty-seven years and I can tell you I am worthy of that love.  I know this because I believe I was hand picked by God for my husband and he was hand picked by God for me.  The longer I am in relationship with anyone, the more I understand that we are put in each others lives for a reason.  My husband was given to me for a reason, he has cherished my heart through some of my most darkest moments and he has shared in the joy in the most brightest of days.   We have literally grown up together and we have raised three amazing children into adulthood together as well.  I am married to my very best friend who I know has my best interest at heart even when it doesn't always feel that way.  I trust his intentions always, and believe in the integrity of the love he has for me. 

I am married to my best friend ..........

Needing adjustment

The global situation is one that I find near impossible to comprehend.  I live in a safe, economically thriving part of the world and I have caught myself ready to complain about the most insignificant of situations.

Meanwhile, somewhere far, far away, blood is being spilled on parched ground as mothers cry uncontrolled tears for the loss of life, their beloved have been exterminated and they too may come to the same end. Before that same blood has seeped deep into the dust and that same dust has hidden completely this enemy's bold intention to horrify all of mankind with its cruelty; it is more telling and cruel that the world itself sits idly by, seemingly unmoved, unshaken by what is taking place.

Suddenly the terrible traffic on my highway to town is merely an inconvenience.  The price of fuel, the bad Internet connection and the horrible selection of fresh fruit and vegetables in the local grocery all seem very futile.  In my mind I hear those mothers cry and I want desperately to reach out and pull them into my arms and hold them.  My first world troubles seem foolish and I am ashamed.

Father may the world be shaken by your mighty hand.  Father reveal yourself to those who are seeking your face so that they would not be afraid but instead confident in your promises.  You are the Alpha and the Omega, you alone know the beginning and the end of all things, may your mercy be felt in the trembling hearts that are unsure of what they have always believed.  Make your way known to them that have not heard, and remind those that have heard but have not chosen. Father quicken apathetic hearts that the prayers of your saints would be set against the enemy and all forces of evil that would try to steal what is not for the taking would be left powerless.  In the name of your precious Son, Jesus.  Amen

I am giving up hope.....

Today, I give up hope for a better yesterday.  It’s at this junction of life I have discovered that I have forgiven just about everyone who has ever harmed me in anyway, all that is except one person.  Unfortunately that one person has had a strangle hold on my happiness for a very long time and just when I believe that I have gotten beyond the hurt something reminds me of all the ways this person has undermined my joy.  I cannot change what this person has done and I am tired of holding onto the hurt they caused.  So, I am giving up hope for a better yesterday.

There is truth in the statement that says, “Forgiveness cannot change your past but it has the power to shape your future.”   I am recognizing that in order to really have a future that redirects my thinking from ‘what could have been’ to ‘look at all the wonderful possibilities.’ the ‘needs forgiving’ slate must be clean!  Holding onto hurts from the past does not protect you from future pain.  Quite contrarily, every decision you make will unconsciously be tainted by the fear of being hurt again.  Holding someone under condemnation actually condemns the condemner.  You hold yourself in a constant state of unhappiness and discord when you do not forgive.  The old adage that holding onto resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die; should make one think.

 

I made a decision a number of years ago to completely turn over my life and will to God.  I understand and believe in the work of the Cross.  Jesus death was payment for the sin of the world; past, present and future.  That would include my own transgressions and it has become more and more obvious that though I am forgiven by the One whose judgement matters, I have held myself under condemnation for years.  Painfully picking apart the things I have done and left undone; deeply saddened and feeling ashamed for acts of self will run riot in the past.  If God, maker of the Universe, has forgiven me then who am I to hold myself under condemnation?  Turning my will over has meant that I chose repentance, turning away from old ways of life that are displeasing to God, harmful to others and harmful to myself. 

Romans 12:2   “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

Forgiving others has been much easier to do than forgiving myself.  But today I realize I am not forgiving Michelle of today; I am forgiving the old self and her old ways.  The new Michelle grieves the old self’s decisions and actions because she, in God’s grace, would never make those same decisions today.  So today in forgiveness I let go of the hope for a better yesterday; with God’s leading I look to the future with a new hope, one filled with possibilities......

Hebrews 12:1-3 “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, ² fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ³ Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”